The whole situation was made very public by his ex-wife, and most people in our social circle know how we got together. (I shudder to think of the questions well-meaning co-workers would send my way if I was “the department gay.”) So if I ever find myself in a situation where someone makes a remark about me and a girl, what can I say? As phenomenal as the advice “Prudence” gives to the neighbor who might report two teens having sex is the final story on the Dear Prudence page, which I originally missed. Confessing to a one-night stand is often the opening gambit of the sleazy. Tell me, on one occasion when you had too much to drink, did you kiss the new husband of your husband’s former wife? Exterminate! Thanks. I’ve been stuck in the middle defending and to make them see the better sides of each other over the past 5 years. When they make fun of him to his face, they make fun of him in a sing-song voice so he thinks they’re being nice to him. Thoughts? By joining Slate Plus you support our work and get exclusive content. November 1968 auf dem Album The Beatles veröffentlicht. “Big Love: I met a great woman online, but I’m not attracted to her body type. : By chance, my daughter and I saw my sister-in-law kissing another man (i.e., not my brother) at the local mall. This is not animal abuse. Discuss this column with Prudie on the Dear Prudence Facebook page. I nearly threw up when I saw it and shook for several hours afterward. Make a donation to something more neutral and let her know without drawing attention to the fact that it’s not the charity of her choice. If this means she cancels the babysitting, then start scrimping to pay for all week daycare. My 92-year-old mother-in-law is hosting again. Slate relies on advertising to support our journalism. If This Is Animal Abuse …: You’d better report me as well. Q. Spousal Relationship: I have been happily (mostly) married to a great man for the past 17 years. Posted by Dear Prudence at 8:53 AM No comments: Email This BlogThis! My parents feel hurt because I had done something that was against their wishes and feel that Ben will never follow/understand our cultural customs. It was also covered by Mike Massé feat. You don’t have to be their babysitter, but making a little extra effort will pay off in years to come when they turn into young women who adore their aunt. Q. I agree with Ben that while he should be respectful of your parents, his obligation is not to try to convince your parents he’s something he never can be. Say you’re extremely grateful for everything they’ve done. Dear Prudence advises a reader whose mate is reluctant to wed, even after five years and a baby together—in a live chat at Washingtonpost.com.” Posted April 4, 2011.”Awkward Family Photos: Dear Prudence advises a reader who accidentally sent sexy self-portraits to her in-laws—in a live chat at Washingtonpost.com.” Posted March 28, 2011. We have an excellent relationship; great communication, we have a lot of fun, we have many things in common, we never argue, we’re very affectionate with each other. (Sometimes cheaters are particularly gifted that way.) My daughter is 6 and is very curious about whether or not husbands and wives kiss people they’re not married to. A: Ask your sister-in-law to bring some of the kids’ favorite books. Rock & … I dislike their fleshy heads, their huge feathery bodies, the noises they make. All rights reserved. Explain to them for the sake of your relationship with them you’d appreciate if they would make more of an effort to welcome him. There are families that enjoy watching others’ squirm (I grew up in one), but inducing a panic attack in someone is cruel and grotesque. I have asked them to stop, and I have asked him to ask them to stop, but they insist it’s all in good fun. I frankly can’t understand why he would propose and you would say yes if you two can’t connect in bed. I’d guess his mental age is about 8. Pete may like you, but he’s probably hanging around a lot, trying to engage anyone coming in and out. Laugh at the Ornithophobe: I am incredibly afraid of turkeys. When you stop by your father’s you try to direct the conversation away from the family breach and do your best to enjoy spending time catching up with them. Once people know you’re gay, you can deflect the probing questions with a simple, “I’d rather not talk about my personal life. Even in the past 48 hours, we’ve enjoyed spending time together. Dear Prudence,Three days ago, my husband’s female co-worker called to inform me that she had been sleeping with my husband of two years for the past nine months. I had previously hinted to my dad that my brother might be coming to town in an effort to get my dad to call him, but no luck. What can I do to stop her from coming here without offending her? It doesn’t sound like winning people over is your most salient quality, however. You should tell your daughter in a nonchalant way that men and women who aren’t married do sometimes kiss each other, usually to say hello or goodbye. At least you can be grateful this woman hasn’t also been gestating his child and that you don’t have a pet bunny. I would understand this more if my husband was getting the same treatment. A: It’s true that your personal life is no one else’s business, but a declaratory, “I’m gay,” delivered with a winning smile, closes down the girlfriend discussion without making you “the department gay.” If you don’t want to tell people, then empower the office gossips. Emily Yoffe: Good afternoon, everyone. Let me also note that the mental health community wants to banish the phrase “mentally retarded.” I agree with my erstwhile Slate colleague Jack Shafer, who wrote that “mentally retarded” can be used in a respectful, clinical sense and that the preferred term “people with intellectual disabilities” is bound eventually to become offensive itself. Q. Sexuality and Work: I am in my early 20s, am gay, and work in an office. With Thanksgiving coming up, I am freaked out about what they might do. A: Indeed! Am I ridiculous for wanting this at this stage in my life? sigh), and it doesn’t stop him from sleeping on my head every night. She is also Slate's Human Guinea Pig, a contributor to the XX Factor blog, and the author of What the Dog Did: Tales From a Formerly Reluctant Dog Owner. Tell them going on a big trip is their choice, but it’s simply out of the question for you. Q. Too Old? You’ve run out of free articles. A little over a year and a half ago, I met a woman who totally changed my perspective on life. A: If she continues with the verbal abuse in your presence pull her aside and say that you can’t condone your children hearing one adult treat another that way and you’d appreciate it if she could stop when you’re around. My MIL usually comes around to drop off food because I often don’t have a lot of time to cook. Dear Prudence The New Spouses’ Scandal Dear Prudence advises a man who kissed his wife’s ex-husband’s new wife—in a live chat at Washingtonpost.com. But it sounds as if he may be suffering from some physical or psychological problem he hasn’t been willing to discuss. What’s difficult to believe is that it was a one-off. I’m not incredibly attractive, but I’m fit and pretty, and haven’t had this issue with previous boyfriends. But they said that if I don’t go, then they won’t go. I look forward to your questions. You two need to have an explicit conversation about what’s going on in the intimacy department. She must have actually complained about this to my sister-in-law, because she called me later that week to lecture me about what a big sacrifice mom was making by caring for our daughter for free. Check the “regrets” box, and feel free to consider your friendship dead. You can cancel anytime. Dear Prudence laid some truth down when she answered the letter of a woman with in-law troubles.The woman wrote in to ask Prudence how she should handle her inconsiderate in-laws. Enough Already: My sister caught her husband in an affair a year ago. According to your husband’s version, his co-worker has been stewing about their encounter for the past nine months and has decided, like the discarded character played by Glenn Close, that she will not be ignored. Life. A: It is true that husbands and wives kiss people they’re not married to (as this chat proves), but not all these kisses are sordid. Chickens freak me out, too. 92-Year-Old Mother-in-Laws: If my 93-year-old MIL hosted Thanksgiving, we could be assured that nothing would be cooked properly. Q. Hail to the Sauerkraut: I am from South Central PA myself, and it is a dish traditionally served; I however, can’t convince the people here in Minnesota to view it in the same light! He swears he thinks I am more gorgeous than his exes, but let’s just say he won’t prove it. Last time I went over they hid a picture of a beheaded turkey, my worst fear of all, don’t ask, in my purse. Dear Prudence (englisch Liebe Prudence) ist ein Lied der britischen Rockband The Beatles. Again, your husband should be the one to explain that while you both appreciate everything she’s doing for you, you two need more respect for your privacy. I will catch up with you another time.” It sounds as if Pete’s mother is not aware that he may be eligible for free activities for the intellectually disabled. Should we break up?” Posted April 7, 2011.”A War of Words: I’m proud of my Marine brother. You don’t need to engage in further conversation about this with her. It sounds as if you two have physical chemistry and personal compatibility. Dear Prudence Taking a leap of faith. An edition of Dear Prudence (2011) Dear Prudence new and selected poems by David Trinidad. When I got into this situation, I expected to be judged harshly, and I haven’t been disappointed. Maybe a group of fellow apartment dwellers could explain to the mother that she may be missing out on helpful programs for her son. So they decided to tap a fresh source of income. The freshest thing around may have appeared to be their own grown child, clutching a very expensive college degree. They made it clear that they felt obligated to provide you with a pricey private education. I told him that I needed a few months to think about whether I could support another campaign, but I don’t see my feelings changing in three months. I immediately called my friend for an explanation. If it’s the former, then the answer is you need to tell him you plan to be the be the kind of political wife Dr. Judith Steinberg was—she’s the spouse of Howard Dean. Loved her on the Toast, love her on Twitter, find her advice useless as Prudie. What should I do? Obviously, you need to expand your social circle beyond the one you used to run in when you both were married to others. Our parents have been divorced for 15 years, and all of us kids live at least three hours away. Dear Lost,There’s no doubt your husband committed adultery nine months ago. A: No, it’s not ridiculous to become a mother at 48. If you can’t get her out of your head, consider hitting yourself on it with a frying pan (before you wife finds out and does it for you). My conundrum is this: My husband and I have a good marriage. Explain, however, that they should have made their financial expectations clear before you embarked on your education and you have no way to meet this sudden expense. Dear Prudence Taking a leap of faith. She comes to our house unannounced. We had never discussed splitting costs when I was applying to schools, and they discouraged me from considering state schools. Your friends’ big dumbo knows he’s loved because they are loving to him, even if they blow off steam by making fun of him in a sing-song voice. A: I’m not convinced from your letter that the problem is your lack of gorgeousness. Q. Should I donate to her charity or one of my choosing? We started counseling after I received the call and his confession. My parents recently sold their vacation house to help pay off my college costs and to celebrate the sale, they want us to go on vacation together in the fall. Submit your questions and comments here before or during the live discussion. Unlike his wife, who'd met her biological father when she was 18, the man never felt the need to find his sperm donor until recently. Had they told you you’d be paying half the cost, you might have gone to that state school. If you and your wife’s ex-husband’s wife (surely we need a more elegant description for this person) bust up both your marriages, much new household formation will result! Dear Prudence, After a decade in a tough marriage, I’m a recently divorced man. I’ve tried and failed to get them to mend their rift, but my brother’s holiday decision will likely make their relationship irreparable. Dear Prudence, I have this problem I’m hoping you can help me with. If it is a familywide violation, you both should head for the door. An edited transcript of this week’s chat is below. Slate is published by The Slate Group, a Graham Holdings Company. It’s up to you whether you pull your sister-in-law aside between courses this Thanksgiving to say, “Hey, I saw you at the mall last Wednesday, but I didn’t want to interrupt because you appeared to be very preoccupied.”. All contents © 2020 The Slate Group LLC. I’m in excellent health and I act/look/feel a decade younger. Q. If you read the Dear Prudence archives you will see endless letters from people who had incredible sex daily during their youth and now are wandering a middle-aged sexual desert. Say you understand an affair is a terrible thing, but so is subjecting your children to warring parents. Share to Twitter Share to Facebook Share to Pinterest. It’s no big deal except that people occasionally make remarks about me “finding a girl” or something along those lines. She berates him often for what I perceive to be minor infractions such as not unloading the dishwasher or forgetting to buy nonfat milk. February 4, 2011 . Q. Dear Prudence, January 28 By Margo Howard. This started as a series of Tumblr ficlets; I'll post a new letter every day for 10 days. Say your idea this Thanksgiving is to let them loose on the dining room table and watch the hilarity that results. You justifiably called to inquire what happened with your parents’ invitation, and she gave you a response so chillingly breathtaking that she seems not made of flesh and blood. Until you address this, you should not move forward with your engagement. Tuesday, 6 December 2011. quiet times. Es wurde am 22. Kids at Thanksgiving: I don’t love being around little kids, but will be spending Thanksgiving with my sister-in-law who has two—ages 6 and 3. We laugh. March 7, 2011 March 13, 2011. My parents feel like Ben doesn’t try to impress them enough, and Ben doesn’t feel the need to try harder because they seem very intolerant and closed minded (he also thinks my parents have no right to demand things, when I am a self-sufficient 27-year-old adult). You may have some pretty good suspicion about what was going on at the mall, but you don’t actually know more than that you saw a too-lingering kiss. I hear numerous people gossiping about me daily. She said if I truly felt inclined I could donate the money to a particular charity, one whose mission I disagree with on a moral basis. Or maybe they’re nastier to you because you’re a nasty person. Lost Dog Returned: A kind young woman returned my missing dog yesterday. When you can’t talk, politely explain: “Pete I’m in a rush. Animal Abuse? Q. MIL: My mother-in-law comes over twice a week to care for my child, and the other three days my daughter goes to daycare. Tell him you don’t know who to believe, and you want to contact his supposedly former lover and see if she has evidence that it was no one-night stand. How can I meet my parents’ expectations to be both financially responsible and supportive of their desire to travel?—Overwhelmed. I also love my wife and do not want to leave or hurt her, so I’m wondering if you have any advice about how to smother my feelings for her ex-husband’s wife. Stuck in the Middle: I am stuck in the middle between my parents and my partner. A: Make it anyway—that’s more sauerkraut for you! All my christmas orders have gone out and all my paperwork is (for the first time ever) in order. I’d consider saying something to his mother, but I’d feel bad and she doesn’t speak much English. Menu Skip to content. If one person doesn’t get the message and attempts to torture you, your boyfriend should ream out the miscreant. A mother-in-law believed to be from the US who wrote to The Slate's Dear Prudence to complain about a handmade gift from her daughter-in-law has been branded a 'monster' on Twitter. It's been a lovely couple of weeks for me with a new fresh studio, new desk and lots of creative juices flowing. I have broached the subject with them and told her that it makes me uncomfortable. Q. And you'll never see this message again. She has a big family and we never really interacted much with her side, so I … I want to honor this fine young woman’s request and honor, but it would cost me my own. Like Dear Prudence on Facebook It's been a lovely couple of weeks for me with a new fresh studio, new desk and lots of creative juices flowing. While getting my father ready for a nursing home, my older sister and I helped our mother clean out the house. My Gift 2nd June 1993 ; by Prue. A: She is amazing and a great cook! She’s getting help, just not from me (could it be because she’s tasted my cooking?). A- A+ . Dear Prudence,Last week, I received a wedding invitation from a dear friend whose directness and pragmatism I’ve always appreciated. Read Prudie's recent chats and visit her old archives. Sunday, February 26, 2012. What I think the ideal situation would be is if people just knew but didn’t make a big deal about it. How can I make it clear to them that this really bothers me? They expect me to pay $1,300 and take three weeks off from work for this “once-in-a-lifetime” trip. netflix is both a joy to have in my life and a serious crutch on which i lean too frequently. This past election season, he ran for our local city council election and came close to winning. I suppose a remark about a boyfriend would make quick work of the situation, but I’d rather stay away from anything so dramatic and likely to cause more, um, probing questions. He, however, has dated drop-dead-gorgeous girls all his life, and having seen the exes, I feel like I am a downgrade. Because he did so well, he is being courted by the local party to run in another local election in 2012. AmeriCorps is a worthy endeavor, but when that’s done, if the economy hasn’t completely gone off the cliff, you have to find a new job that will allow you to pay the rent on a place of your own. The pattern is available in her store and is currently 15% off with the code PRUDENCE15.. Dear Prudence is a dress pattern for girls in sizes 12mths – 10 yrs. If I knew that I would be responsible for half of the cost of my education, I would not have attended a private school. Q. He may have been straying for a substantial portion of your short marriage. I offered her a generous reward—I am thankful to her beyond belief—but she said that as a fellow pet owner it wouldn’t be right for her to accept a reward for doing the right thing. Dear Prudence, I am 40 years old and until recently a single father. Female friends don’t trust me around their husbands. Not Attractive Enough: I’m a twentysomething who’s engaged to a man a few years older than me. She grew up in Pennsylvania Dutch country and through my marriage I have come to adore sauerkraut as a Thanksgiving side dish. I’m paid a stipend set at the poverty line. She told me I couldn’t understand the pain the affair caused. Gently suggest that she doesn’t sound as if she’s over the betrayal, and you hope the two of them are getting counseling so that they can heal and the children don’t have to suffer. Dear Prudence: My husband’s friend drew male genitalia on our wedding guestbook Back to video Emily Yoffe: Good afternoon, everyone. I know this is something that he really wants to do, and I know he ( and others) will try to make me feel guilty for not supporting him. I loved having a head-sleeping cat. Prudence — Emily Yoffe — wrote it after advising a grown reader that playing doctor as a kid is not something to look back on in adulthood and re-cast as shameful or even a “sexual assault.” My husband and I have a 60-pound pointer whose favorite way to get our attention is to step on our feet. It makes me uncomfortable. How do I bridge this cultural gap? Dear Prudence advises a reader whose mate is reluctant to wed, even after five years and a baby together—in a live chat at Washingtonpost.com.” Posted April 4, 2011. I explained that by excluding him from the invitation—his ability to attend aside—her invitation was a cruel slap in the face to both my parents. Tuesday, 6 December 2011. quiet times. Have a great Thanksgiving (and I hope all my fellow sauerkraut lovers get their fill)! Over time, one of those became more serious, to the point where we have been dating for almost a year and are now essentially exclusive. You haven’t made clear whether you hated the role you were forced to play, or whether you hated the fact that the campaign consumed all his time and you felt like a political widow. There’s a long history of disagreements between my dad and brother, mostly about whose fault it is that they don’t stay in better touch. The lawyer and therapist fees that will be generated will be enormous! It’s one thing for family members to have keys to each other’s homes if everyone involved has an understanding of the necessary boundaries. Her dad and I can’t come up with an explanation that doesn’t involve lying or confronting my sister-in-law. : I’m 48 and want to become a first-time mother by adoption. What should I do/tell my daughter? He seems to know my routine, and I constantly find him hanging around wanting to talk to me. I worry that her anger is poisoning any chance they have of reconciling, though. Q. Dreading Dad’s House: I’ve recently learned that my brother, his wife, and two young kids are coming to town for Thanksgiving and do not plan to tell our dad and stepmom, let alone stop by for the holiday. Hence, two of his nicknames are “Fatty Boombalatty” and other names. Tell your boyfriend that he must talk to everyone in his family and get the word out immediately that the game of ‘pin the turkey head’ on the guest is done. You also have to behave with a mixture of confidence and modesty among the people you already know, slowly winning them over. Slate relies on advertising to support our journalism. It’s going to be difficult for you to move past this, since you don’t even believe him, and his strategy seems to be to disarm and distract you. My question: Should I endure another campaign season (and possibly more) and support him, or should I tell him that I can’t support him this time? February 4, 2011 February 4, 2011 ~ JenniferP Intern Paul has some words for the second letter writer in today’s Dear Prudence , aka, the girl who went through a slutty phase and has now been basically kicked out of her super-Christian family because her judgmental controlling turd of a brother snooped in her email and told everyone about her wicked ways. When you’ve recharged, gather them beside you and read to them. i used to be dedicated to a small number of shows (that are still on the air): gossip girl, the big bang theory, the office, modern family, how i met your mother and grey's anatomy (with a growing dedication to supernatural). The Beatles originally released Dear Prudence written by John Lennon and Paul McCartney and The Beatles released it on the album The Beatles [White Album] in 1968. Here it is. Since she’s only 6, you don’t have to add that the kiss you both saw usually indicates that the couple is getting a room at a Motel 6. Gratitude look’s to the past and love to the present C.S Lewes [English writer] 28 years ago I fell in love with Mike, a quadriplegic. A: Since you’re an arachnophile, you could show up at the door with a bottle of pinor noir for your hosts and a box of spiders for the family. Sad! Got a burning question for Prudie? Read Prudie’s Slate columns here. When I asked what I could do, she said, “Nothing.” That’s what I wanted to hear, and I love her for it! You and your mother should be among the first to send your RSVPs. But for a marriage, particularly such a young one, to survive it, there has to be scrupulous honesty, regret, and atonement. Of income to behave with a pricey private education, “ Ben, ” for about five.... Joy to have with nieces and nephews know what else to do the call and his.. Japan Box ( 2014 ) | Dear Prudence '' advice column is curious... T talk, politely explain: “ pete I ’ ve done they dislike him on! 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